Girls from the back

Since I started using my walking aid, I've only gone to two shows.  For a long time, I could pawn that off on not living close enough to any place that people come to play, but at the same time, the ones I did go to weren't in my old town, I had to get driven out to both of them, in totally different cities. Now I've got excuse, I live 15 minutes away from the city.  The only thing that's holding me back is fear.  
I've never really had a bad experience at a concert, except for the last year I worked at warped tour, but I know that I'm in that group of people that's likely to get hurt or cast back.  People my size get hurt by accident, but I can't handle getting knocked around.  Before I was sick, I could hold my own but now I can't, and that scares me even in a day-to-day sense.  It scares me that I can't lift my arms above shoulder level, of course I'm going to be afraid of being body-checked.  
The fact I'm still self conscious about needing a walking aid makes me reluctant to go anywhere.  The last thing I want is to get singled out and bubbled off by other people and that feels really likely to happen.  What I really want is to get back to feeling like my life is normal. Normal for me at least, whatever that means.  When I got my first bunch of piercings and had my ears noticeably stretched, I did get singled out by people who weren't my close friends.  Even though I loved the beginning of my mods, it made me uncomfortable with them.  My managers at places I worked would haul me around to their friends when they came in and make a a big deal about "look at her hears/nose/lip, when we were kids only farm animals had that, ect, ect"  
All I really want is to be happy and comfortable with myself, but its not an effort that just I can make.  

First swings

If I'm going to be stuck in my flat because of illness, but with a head still full of sharp ideas, I may as well put it all somewhere.  
All of the simple and significant things about me are point-formed on the side.  I'm small, in my early 20s and dealing with a chronic illness that leaves me not really able to work or even get around.  Even though I do have a lot of mobility issues, I try to keep up with all of my old interests and hobbies, like bike riding, sewing, baking, and general mischief.  Social responsibility and shattering the really fucked up mentality of how to treat other earthlings is critically important to me.  There are too many things going on in the world because people are over complacent with what the distorted media and corporate puppets in the government are feeding us and it has to stop.  If there's one thing worth fighting for, its living free and honest.